On the Struggle for Self-Control and Tact

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No truer words have been disseminated on the internet than the ones above, at least in my case. I often struggle with biting my tongue in many situations daily and there are times that I wish I could just say what I want and damn the consequences. But I know that will never work in my favor; I'd be offending people by the dozens if I completely forgo the filter between my brain and my mouth. I do slip up sometimes. It could be because something was too funny not to share, then in the end I'll realize that most people do not have my warped and pervy sense of humor. Sometimes it is when I am really upset and holding it in is just impossible; that usually involves yelling and things flying from my hand towards my intended target.

I mostly struggle with people and their ignorance and narrow mindedness on things. Considering the conservative culture I was raised in, this happens often enough and it takes all my effort not to jump their throat, though the throat-jumping is usually prompted by insufferable people and insufferable ideas, opinions, and actions.

Can you imagine a world where everybody had no choice but to say what's on their mind? I surmise utter chaos. I also think nobody would be friends with each other. Man may well become an island. 

Whenever I'm thinking about opening my mouth to speak my mind, I always try to ask these there questions:

Should it be said?

Should it be said by you?

Should it be said now?

It makes sense really. Sometimes things should be left unsaid to avoid conflict. Sometimes you have no business talking about things. Sometimes its just not the time to say it. It always pays to subscribe to the trait of tactfulness, don't you think?

This has been a Wednesday post brought to you by The Purple Madhouse.

DISCLAIMER: No copyright infringement intended. I take no ownership of the image used in this blog post. Images found on the internet are considered for public use unless explicitly dictated otherwise.

Photo-of-Interest Monday: That One Time I Went to Church

I took this photo on a cold early morning in December of 2012. This is the Our Lady of Lourdes Parish Church adjacent to the convent that houses what are know as the Pink Sisters with their distinctly pink habits.

Like I said, it was early morning and before that my parents dragged me out of bed in an ungodly hour so we could attend the 6:30 AM mass. It was freezing but it wasn't a complete deterrent to go exploring. I was lucky enough to get this shot of the church before people started coming in numbers. The sun has yet to completely rise at the time so you can see the soon-to-be-up sun's glow behind the church.

I actually didn't want to attend mass and i figured the parents wouldn't mind so much considering I've frequently voiced the fact that I am not religion specific but they had their way and I sat with them. I wasn't really able to understand a thing that was said because the church had subpar speakers, like someone was layering a hint of static on the audio coming out.

Also, they had humongous mosquitos that can bite you through your jeans!

This has been a Monday post brought to you by The Purple Madhouse.

Flashback Friday: Love Me

Poetry, September 2005 — I'm thinking of renaming this series to Shameful Fridays, at least where my poetry is concerned. As predicted, it's another pathetic and sad poem from my teenage days. I really cannot stress the fact that I was going through some, err... issues back then and I've since learned my lesson. Expect 'unrequited love' to be the theme with this one. Are my dear and few readers even surprised?

Love Me

Show me how you really want me to be
And not just some lost fantasy
Know for me for what I do and show
And not for what pleasures I bestow

Treat me like a human
Like I am your only one
Look into my eyes and see the longing
And hear my heart calling

Realize we’re meant to be
That we are not just passion and bodies
Realize that we are one
Or so help me God I’ll come undone

There is more to us than what we have
And we’ve made it this far through the good and bad
Let’s make memories of love and care
I’ll love you forever if I dare

This has been a Friday post brought to you by The Purple Madhouse.
 

On Not Being Bothered

I'm taking this as an opportunity to express how true the above words are. I try to live by this as much as I can in my life. It's not easy but, in my opinion, there is nothing better than living your life and let the little things, the unimportant things sort itself out.

I think it was in high school I began to realize that there were bigger things in play and what I thought mattered back then wouldn't be so relevant in the future. I was bullied for a part of my high school life, mostly because my peers didn't like the way I was. Instead of trying to fit in to the status quo, I was more determined to be myself and to establish that this is who I am and it what these bullies thought didn't matter. What was important was that I didn't hide my truest self. It may have made me more vulnerable to teenage persecution but at least I was someone I could take pride on. The bullies were irrelevant, their opinions without merit. 

I think it's important to take enough care to think about what's worth pouring energy into, or at least that's what I try to do. I'd hate to waste effort and emotion into something that wasn't worth it in the end. If I wasted time in worrying about what people say about me and try to "perfect" my image, I would be one unhappy woman. I'd rather think about what I can do to better myself for me and for the people I love. 

This has been a Wednesday post brought to you by The Purple Madhouse.

DISCLAIMER: No copyright infringement intended. I take no ownership of the image used in this blog post. Images found on the internet are considered for public use unless explicitly dictated otherwise.

Photo-of-Interest Monday: Kittehs!

This photo is part of the Caturday album I've yet to post on Facebook. The shot is a particular favorite of mine and fellow blogger tin2gg actually thought I planked on our street to get this shot, but because of attire restrictions, I just did a rather uncomfortable crouch.

Caturday was a Saturday that unfolded with my not having to do anything. Armed with my camera, Farrelly, I ventured outside to look for something to shoot. The cats on our street are rather friendly since my sister and I keep them fed enough. They let them pet you and they come when you call. And call I did. I sounded like a wheezing tea kettle and I'm pretty sure I bothered some neighbors, but I got my shots. 

This has been a Monday post brought to you by The Purple Madhouse.

Jadie Attempts to Do a Review: Lothaire by Kresley Cole

I finished this book a few days ago but because of work I am only now able to write about it. I’ve been following Kresley Cole’s work on the Immortals After Dark series since my early college days and with every mention of the titular character, Lothaire, I grew more and more curious of him and I often wondered when Cole would write his story. For those who know me well enough you’ll be able to picture my absolute joy when I finally got my hands on a copy.

It took me a while to get to reading it. I was previously engaged in reading George R. R. Martin’s A Game of Thrones, so Lothaire was stuck in my reading list limbo. When I did manage to start reading it, I found it really hard to put it down and loathe anything that would keep from reading. But of course I had other things to accomplish so I had to squeeze reading breaks in between work and responsibilities at home.

The book tells the story of the Enemy of Old, Lothaire. A master at manipulation and deceit, Lothaire has been seeking revenge against those who have wronged him, plotting to take over the Horde and the Daci (two factions of vampires within the series). He seems to have found the key to realizing his vendetta in Saroya, vampire goddess and his Bride, but with one dilemma – Ellie Pierce, Saroya’s mortal host.

In reading the series, I’ve wondered who Lothaire’s fated Bride would be. I’ve guessed that it would be a number of female characters mentioned in the series but the conundrum that was Ellie and Saroya was actually more than I expected.

I like Ellie. Her nerves of steel and her strong-headedness made her a character to admire. I liked that she never backed down from Lothaire and that even if she had so much to take in with the new world of immortals she was thrust into, she kept an open mind and held her own. Even in the face of death, she was determined not to go down without a fight. She took the fact that people underestimated her and made it into her advantage which kept Lothaire reeling and I think that’s what made Lothaire fall for her despite his blindness to the truth of his Bride and despite his need for revenge.

Lothaire is a ruthless male but I liked how the book showed more than that. He was a vampire who, as a boy, was forced to bear the demise of his mother while unable to do anything to save her. He has been forsaken by his father and betrayed many times. In order to become more powerful and exact his revenge, he willingly spiraled downward to the gaping mouth of insanity. It was enlightening to finally know what made Lothaire tick and why he does what he does.

Let’s talk about Nix now. First of all, I was really excited to read about the valkyrie’s relationship with Lothaire. It was truly unexpected but I adored it. The book was particularly illuminating on how big a role Nix and her soothsaying plays in the grand scheme of the series. As I had done with Lothaire, I am just clamoring for even a sliver of detail as to who Nix will end up with. When will her book come out and will it be soon, Kresley Cole? Until then I will be waiting with bated breath.

This book is by far Cole’s more sensual (sexual) work. Love scenes depicted were on the really steamy side which I thought was appropriate for a character like Lothaire. It would only make sense that sex with this vampire would be raw and animalistic with some (a lot) of biting.

I’m very interested in reading more about Lothaire’s relatives, the Dacians, and what role he and Ellie will play in their stories. I know that one book from the Dacian’s spin-off series has already come out but I haven’t managed to get a hold of a copy. This one called Shadow’s Claim and it’s the story of Trehan Daciano and I will be remedying my lack of the book soon enough. 

This has been a Sunday post brought to you by The Purple Madhouse.

To the Boy that Broke My Heart

It’s been years since we've truly spoken to one another and with all the things I have to say an hour simply will not suffice, even if you wanted to speak to me about our past, which you’ve made clear you do not. So I write this simply letter that you will never get to read. I do this for my benefit, for the sake of closure you couldn't deign to give me.

I’ve actually written another letter before, one in anger. This will be once of acceptance and one of lingering hurt.

In the time I thought I had relinquished feelings for you, I discovered that the feelings have indeed lingered. I tried very hard to dispel them but I guess it takes more time than others in matters of forgetting what once was. At that time you had moved on with another love and I can honestly say that I was happy for you. After all, you needed to move on from your previous destructive relationship, one I thought I could sway you from.

Contrary to what our peers may think, I wasn't jealous. Curious would've been more apt. I hadn't known about you and her; I was surprised. But the rumor mill started churning and I became the brunt of unwanted speculation from everyone else.

Soon after I learned why.

Of course they would think I was jealous. You gave them no choice. To say that what happened was nothing is the most hurtful thing you could've done to me. By that you relegated my feelings and whatever feelings you had for me then as nonexistent. But how could that be when I remember clearly our moments, our conversations, and your promises.

I cannot fathom why you chose to do what you did. Is it to protect your new relationship from me? A relationship that I have no interest whatsoever other than mild curiosity. Maybe to protect yourself? Is it because you were ashamed of me?

You hurt me. No amount of apology you have or will ever give me will erase that. And I don’t think you care or think about it now.

My pain still makes itself felt today but it grows fleeting and fleeting. One day it won’t hurt anymore. The past I shared with you will always be there no matter how much you try to forget or deny.

I’ve accepted that you will never be able to face me properly or give me the closure I once vied for. I’ve accepted that all of that is in the past. You are the past and like some people you don’t matter any longer. 

This has been a Saturday post brought to you by The Purple Madhouse.