The Trait of Condescension

THE SPRITE SPEECH

THE SPRITE SPEECH

By Gheraldine Taping

Esteemed ladies and gentlemen, I stand before you troubled but with conviction. I stand before you to let it be known the atrocity that has occurred in our company’s very walls. Though it may be hard to hear, I plead that you steel your nerves and listen to every word I say, for I believe all of you, my colleagues. have the right to know about that dark , cold afternoon.

On the 23^rd of May, year 2012, between the hours of 4 o’clock and 5 o’clock in the afternoon, horror struck as I came to find the prized can of Sprite gone and consumed. I stood in shock and disbelief. Who would do such a thing? Whatever did the innocent can of Sprite ever do to deserve such maltreatment? I became choked up, and I was saddened by such turn of events. The culprit nowhere to be found and damning evidence at its wake.

Tell me, ladies and gentlemen, what kind of world do we live in when no can of Sprite is safe? How can you justify such injustice? In all my years of existence I have never heard of such a crime. Does not the can of Sprite deserve the same rights offered to the other cans of sodas? Do they not reserve the right to not be drunk when they are clearly not yours to drink? Do they not deserve that right, my friends?

I have learned that life is fleeting and that I must drink my can of Sprite while I still can, for any moment that joy can be robbed from you, leaving you desolate and without purpose. No beautiful can of Sprite, nothing to quench your thirst. Only the hurricane of crippling fear that it might happen again.

No one is safe, my dear friends. So I bid you to withhold your cans of Sprites from the reach of others and keep them safe, lest you regret every decision you made in life.

BACKGROUND:

Simply put, somebody drank my friend's can of Sprite at work. This is my passive-aggresive response to what happened. Obviously, this is a satire. If you have any problem with it, you can take it up with my publicist. Good luck in finding her, she doesn't exist.

BONUS TRIVIA: The constant thought while I was writing this was, "I'm an asshole."

Lady Gaga vs. (Some or Not All) Philippine Christian Youths

Tonight, Lady Gaga performs in her first ever concert in the Philippines. I passed by SM Arena tonight and judging from the packed entrances of the “SM Corp.’s” newly finished structure droves upon droves of fans came to witness the Pop Diva’s over-the-top show.

As I’ve been living in a weekend-induced coma and I don’t watch local news, or local TV for that matter, ever faithful Facebook provided a news flash:

Sunday night, I had to take a deep breath and tried to remember that the above article does not generally encompass the Christian youth community as a whole because not all Christians are ignorant.

I really wonder if these youths fully understand their actions. Are they marching just because they believe their faith calls for it? Do they actually, as a whole, understand Lady Gaga’s music and the message she tries to send through with it? Are they protesting just for the sake of protesting? Is it possible that some of these kids are just going along in a “mob mentality” sort of phenomena?

I am pointing out that music, like all forms of art, is not what it always seems; it shouldn’t be taken down the literal route. Music has depth and is open for everyone’s interpretations. For the most part, I believe that Lady Gaga’s songs speak of empowerment and equality; sometimes her songs are a bit weird for my taste.

Personally, I think that these protestors are taking things overboard. Why rain on everyone else who enjoys her music? These people are not the devil-worshipping kind that solely listens to her music for that reason.  No, these are people who simply love her and her music, people she inspires and makes happy. So I ask, who are we to dictate what people can enjoy in their life?

In my opinion, these protests are on the shallow end. Perhaps they should delve deeper and see Lady Gaga as a person with her own beliefs, her own faith and maybe they should respect that and see the broader scope of things. She isn’t going out of her way to vilify conservative religions and communities. It’s merely her form of self-expression and sharing her art, her music and maybe making a good difference to someone or somewhere out in the world. Just because someone is different from our norm doesn’t make them a bad person.

People will argue that Lady Gaga gives the wrong impression to younger children and that she’s exposing these kids to the crude and sacrilegious and she must be stop and what not. Here’s a news flash: it is not her job to filter out what she does with her music. Adults who know and understand better should be responsible. Monitor these impressionable kids. They are nobody else’s responsibility but their parents.

I’ve said my piece on this. Protesting and marching be damned, the concert still pushed through. So what are you going to do now (some or not all) Philippine Christian Youths?

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